The reason, the goal.

Hello, and welcome to my blog! My name is Chris, and I'm getting ready to embark on a cross-country bike trip from Moncton to Vancouver then north to Price George.

This type of journey throws three very common challenges at the people who attempt it.
Its a physical challenge to be sure, I just so happen to be over 300lbs out of shape and not trained for this.  Its an emotional challenge certainly, I'm emotionally broken with a recent bullshit job loss and a very hard break up. 

Its of course a mental challenge, mentally I am struggling, some very dark moments and thoughts as of late. Scary shit. 

A quick bio. I was raised a Ward of the Court, I have been in countless foster homes, group homes, jails, the street, drug addiction, all forms of abuse, and to top it all off I have Bi-Polar 2, Chemically Induced Anxiety Disorder, and Depression. 

A quick explanation of all three, simplified;

Bi-Polar 2 is 3weeks of being happy and energetic and enthusiastic followed by 3 days or 4 months of not having the mental strength to even get out of bed.
 
Chemically Induced Anxiety Disorder. As a former heavy drug user and addict my brain chemistry changed, forever altered with the draw back being anything that changes my body chemistry gives me anxiety. If I take anti-anxiety medication, it GIVES me more anxiety. Strong coffee? Anxiety. Anything that effects my body chemistry gives me anxiety. Its not fun. 

Depression. Again, to simplify it. How does one with depression explain what its like to someone who doesn't. Well, do you have a dog? Do you love that dog? How hurt would you be if your dog died in your arms? Now imagine that beloved dog dying in your arms every single day the moment you wake up. 

Thats my life. I dont take medication for any of this shit, despite knowing it'll help, I just cant. Because of the CIAD. 


So knowing that little bit about me surely you can agree I need to do something drastic to break out from this path I'm on. I know there's greatness in me, i just hope there's health and happiness in me. I have a plan and I have a goal. 

THE PLAN 
Taking on this journey comes of course with very real risks. I'll be spending many days on the road, with limited resources and no guarantee of what each day will bring. I am untrained, unskilled and woefully weak both in body and mind. 

But I'm doing it. Because the person who can overcome those obstacles, the person who comes out on the other side of this all will be able to conquer the world. Doing this type of tour across Canada when you're in shape, experienced, supported, and mentally strong is still a very difficult task. Just one quick look at me, to hear my story, to understand my life and you will say this is an impossible task. A foolish one. But mark my words, I will come out on the other side strong, healthy and happy. I will come out on the other side of this a conqueror. 

The benefits far outweigh the risks. How could I not try. 

THE GOAL
Which brings me to the end goal. I am (was) a ward of the court. The BC Government was my guardians. When I turned 18 there was a program called "independent living" it allowed you to not be in foster care anymore, but you had to go to school. I was not ready for school. Not many wards are at that age. That program at the time ran until wards were 21 years of age. 

Fast forward 25 years and the BC Government has passed a new law that allows wards of ANY AGE to go to school. The BC Government will pay for my schooling and frankly every Province and Territory in the entire country should have this. This is an opportunity I cannot pass up on. Now it starts in Aug, 2023. This trip of mine is going to take roughly 3 months. The plan, is to land in BC in the best physical and emotional shape of my life and dedicate myself to schooling. I am a smart dude, I know this. But I've hit a ceiling in the career I've had for the last 10 years and if I ever want to be able to retire to that small little house in the woods I have 25 years to get there. If I ever want to be in the position to leave my kids something when I die, I have 25 years to get there. If I want to be successful, happy, and healthy I have to make a change now. So I'm doing this. 

I will land in BC, I will start the process of working with Children and Family Services to get funding for school, I will get a legitimate diploma in a field I'm passionate about and I will be successful.  

FINAL THOUGHTS
I hope to have the support of friends, family, and even the strangers I meet along the way. But I am doing this journey alone. Nothing but my thoughts and my pride and the hope of a better life pushing me through this. As I go, I will update this blog with thoughts and stories of my life. From being a Ward of the Court, to Drug Addiction, to Jail, to the struggles of Family Court and even the difficult relationships through my life. Nothing has ever been easy, its just one of those fucked up lives. So while you come with me and read about the shit I've seen and done, the hope is you can get behind this and send me a virtual high five or maybe it motivates you yourself to get out of the darkness you may be in. This will not be a happy go lucky type of blog. It will be dark at times, it will be raw, it will be real.  

I want everyone reading this to know that your encouragement and support will help me push through the tough times and keep me motivated on this journey. If you want to watch the transformation of a broken man then keep reading. Follow my progress, cheer me on, talk to me about your struggles, whats holding you back from change? 


Also if you're reading this and feeling stuck in your own dark place, know that you're not alone. It's okay to take time for yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health. You never know what kind of journey might be waiting for you on the other side. You never know when an opportunity arises that can fundamentally change your life. But you must be able to sacrifice and take risk to turn that opportunity into success. 

Thank you for reading, and I look forward to sharing my journey with you!




PS: I do have a donate button. I dont really expect anyone to use it. But if you do, it will be used for a rest day hotel, or bike repairs, food/ect. In the very off chance there's more than I need, I'll put it towards fixing my teeth. 



S/N/A/J/E I love you all. I hope when this is done you will all be proud of me.